The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize