there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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