peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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