Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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