He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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