There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
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I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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