I can tuck mytits in my pants
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize