a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize