i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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