saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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