She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize