Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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