Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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