Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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