im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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