I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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