So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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