I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
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Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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