I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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