Pappa wants mamma naked
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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