I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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