dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I believe in your delicious
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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