I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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