i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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