I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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