Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I checked into jail on foursquare
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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