How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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