just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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