you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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