we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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