Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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