Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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