I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
everyone is single if you try hard enough
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize