Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize