Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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