i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
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i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize