The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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