she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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