Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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