I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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