naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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