i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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