I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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