I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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