I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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