I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
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Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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