and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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