So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize