Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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