tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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